The Gift To Be Simple

My friend and neighbor Tiffany, officially the nicest person in the world, and I spend a lot of time sitting in her driveway watching all our kids ride bikes and run around.  A few years ago we both did a bible study on the book of James, so our conversations often drift onto the topic of faith and works.  For the past few months we’ve been talking about that in terms of Christmas. 

Tiffany and I are in similar situations:  Houses filling up with kids, but no desire to move away from a street full of wonderful neighbors who are often outside and usually willing to strike up a conversation in the driveway.  All the kids in our two houses really seem to need are their bikes and books read to them.  Each new baby means more snuggling, feeding, bathing, teeth brushing, flossing (Are you kidding me, pediatric dentists?  There are truly only 24 hours in a day!), book reading, car seat buckling, and little bear finding.  How can we have a true Christmas celebration with our children, one that is festive and true to our faith?  For me, it’s not enough to be bullied by Best Buy and Target and do whatever I feel like, then say “Happy Birthday Jesus” one time on Christmas day.

There is a very nice woman I see once a year at most, at a mutual friend’s Christmas party.  She buys her kids gifts earlier in December, so there’s no gifts on Christmas day, and on the 25th their family decorates a birthday cake for Jesus with as much candy as they can stick in the icing.  That sounds like just about the last thing I want to do to celebrate Christmas, but –gasp- everyone is different!  Faith is personal!

So this is what’s happening this year for our family:

We’re going gradually.  It’s a personal preference, but I like the Advent calendar popping up one day, the nativity another, saving the best Christmas movies for a few more days.  For our family right now, 2014, two boys and a baby, too much all at once is overwhelming and results in crying. My sister’s family has had a rough year, so they put up their tree and pulled out all their decorations as soon as possible as a way to jump start some good cheer.  We’re getting our Christmas tree this weekend and we’re all excited.  What brings joy to your family? 

Our lives are constantly evolving.  Our family is different this year than it was last year and different than it will be next year.  So trying to make or start traditions is wasted energy for me.  Things will evolve on their own.  Besides, half the traditions I remember from growing up probably only happened a few times.  I remember having omelets every year on Christmas Eve, but when I mentioned that to my mom she said she thought we did that about twice.  She just wanted something quick that we could eat after church before getting everyone into bed.  That conversation really took the pressure off.  If we do something different every year, so be it. 

I love Santa Claus; I cry in movies like Elf.  Santa does different things for different families, which is completely cool.  Way to be adaptable Santa.  At our house, Santa brings one gift per child and fills stockings.  But the kids know that we can also sneak things into stockings, then Santa can add to it.  It’s my dream that the kids will make things to sneak into everybody’s stockings before bed.  Instead of Santa buying candy, maybe Rush could make cookies.  The kids want to be generous and I want to encourage it.  This year Trent and I are working together on a gift for Holly, so the boys are going to let Santa know that he doesn’t have to bring a toy for her this year. 

I’m happy we can buy gifts for our children and family and we’re just trying not to go crazy-unnecessary-overboard.  Gift giving should be difficult (I think that’s Tiffany’s quote).  Giving a gift means thought and effort and love.  It takes time and energy to either find the right gift or make it. Handmade gifts are tricky, because the idea is so alluring.  Handmade!   But if it’s thrown together or something the person doesn’t want and/or need in the first place, then it’s just a gift that they can’t really get rid of without crushing guilt.  I’m guilty of giving those kinds of gifts.  Sorry.  Working on it.   There is so much joy in making a gift.  To me, it’s part of the preparations, the waiting in expectation.  Also, I’ve created a gift-making sweatshop by leaving too much until December.

Handmade FOOD gifts?  Yes, please! 

I’m trying to ignore Martha Stewart, Pinterest, et al.  I would love to have all sorts of fancy finery, but here’s what I’ve learned:  No one actually gives a damn.  The kids are just happy to be here.  Ask anyone in my extended family if they remember any nice detail from Christmas at our house and they’ll probably get a glazed look in their eyes.  I’ve made pumpkin tiramisu and people are too stuffed from eating Christmas cookies.  I’ve strung ribbon and bells through the edges of a tablecloth and people take it off the table to play board games.  Through experience, I’ve learned that my extended family –both sides- wants the following:  grandkids, a Christmas tree, free flowing alcohol, and clean bathrooms.

A valuable life lesson from my parents, taught by example- gifts for friends are great, but go out of your way to recognize a broader circle.  Don’t just give gifts to your coworkers, give gifts to the woman who works in the parking garage. 

We’re trying to Be Aware and Dig Deeper AND BE GENEROUS.  There are a lot of ways to be generous at the holidays, food drives, toy drives, etc.  A former co-worker had a list of mantras at her desk and one was, “I always have plenty to give.”  I fail at it frequently, but I’m trying to remember that in all circumstances.

Church.  The thought of Christmas without church services, without listening to carols while cooking, sounds bleak.  Shocker- I actually invited a non-churchgoing friend to a service.  The power of texting as a way to make things less awkward!  Historically I’ve been more successful at growing the church by physically having children and bringing them with me than I have been about inviting friends.  But when I started thinking about what Christmas would be like without church, it made me depressed.  So come on everyone, you’re always welcome. 

Here’s what it all comes down to for me, and I don’t know what to do about it, but I’m trying:  In a sermon recently, the priest said he doesn’t worry about heaven and hell, he worries about meeting God and being embarrassed for committing more sins than were necessary.  THAT is what I worry about, meeting God face to face and Him saying, “So, this is your understanding of the Incarnation?” and showing me landfills and sweatshops and loneliness and hunger.  And I’ll stammer and He’ll just nod his head like, okay, sure, yeah, explain away.  Making the rougher places plain, huh? 

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27