Defeating It

The first thing that happens to you in the morning is not necessarily a predictor of how the day will go.  But if the first thing that you see when you step out of the shower on Monday morning is a cat covered in hand and body lotion, that’s a good indicator of what’s in store for the next twelve or so hours.  It’s not just that someone had the idea to rub lotion all over the cat, it’s that the stars and planets aligned for a moment where it was possible for the cat to be contained by two smallish boys.  Trying to wash a cat in the bathroom sink while still in your bathrobe starts a day that definitely ends with falling asleep on the couch. 

Opening the shower door this morning to find two children picking Goldfish and Craisins out of their teeth, which they snuck downstairs and ate Cookie Monster style –by their own admission, they were trying to be as messy as Cookie Monster- is another indicator of what Tuesday is going to look like.  In their defense, they I did find the broom and dust pan on the floor.  Eating an entire bag of Goldfish at 6:45 AM is one of those great crimes that comes with a built in punishment.  Oh, you usually have Goldfish or something equally snacky in your lunchbox?  Sorry, we’re out.  Enjoy your banana.

The soothing sounds of Rush’s voice screaming down the stairs, “MOMMMM, TATE’S IN YOUR MAKE-UP!” was another day entirely, during a little something we like to call bedtime.  Tate has gone through two tubes of mascara so far in 2013.  That’s more than one per month.

A few years ago, the package for the door lock that we put on the grill outside warned that you should remove the childproofing when the child “could defeat it.”  There are only so many locked cabinets (there are none, like raptors, Rush and Tate can both open doors) and high shelves.  Childproofing is more or less a joke.  We’ve jammed highest shelves with the Fabulouso and matches and blades to the blender and for everything else we’re going on faith and prayer.