Today was a super trip to HEB. Holly was a perfect, sweet sleeping angel in the sling, Rush and Tate rode in the car part of the grocery cart, full of good behavior with just a sprinkle of naughtiness to let everyone know they’re not just a non-thinking robots with every spark of childhood beaten down. I was wearing clothes that made me feel good and our cart was a good combination of vegetables and frozen pizza. We got to the car and I thought, we did it! We projected to the world what a fabulously balanced family we are!
Contrast that with the library on Monday. We’re about to check out, and I’m standing by the shelf of new arrivals, absentmindedly pushing the stroller back and forth, completely zoned out scanning the shelves. At some point I realize that Rush and Tate are wrestling on the floor. We’re not hidden back in the true crime stacks; we’re front and center near the information desk. The wrestling had probably been going on for about thirty seconds –which doesn’t sound like a lot, but count it out in your head and in this scenario it’s a long time- before I registered it. And when I finally registered the commotion and looked up, I didn’t stop them right away. First I gave the librarian a raised eyebrows, whose kids are these? look. Ultimately it was embarrassing. But sorry World and Fellow Library Patrons: I enjoyed my thirty seconds of looking through the books. I was happy that we were all out of the house on a cold, wet day. Plus, the wrestling was quiet, or whatever my current standard of quiet is for a pair of 3 and 4 1/2 year old brothers. Let’s all give a little grace to mothers in public places who might just need a brief thirty seconds.
I read an article a few years ago where a couple chose to have only one child because they wanted to be able to give the child everything he or she wanted and all their attention. Because that’s what makes a healthy individual, right? Always getting everything you want and constant attention from your parents?
Having three kids is the glorious opposite of that. I’m trying to be the very best, most perfect mom I can be and it is not physically –or mentally- possible. Last week when Trent walked in from work and I notified him that there was absolutely no plan for dinner, that’s not being able to do it all. That’s why Little Caesars sells five dollar pizza. Sleeping on a pillow with baby spit up on it? Not being able to do it all. Not having washed the kitchen floor since…when? Not being able to do it all, and it’s not like anyone is in the crawling stage. Having to limit bedtime stories because Holly is crying? At least we’re reading before bed.
For every bit of personal attention I can’t give to each one of my kids, they are either learning to be independent or getting some quality sibling time. Holly is still sleeping a lot during the day, probably because her awake time is intense. A first child might enjoy a quiet hour awake, kicking away on a quilt watching his mother cook dinner. A third child wakes up to hear her brothers’ shout, “HOLLY’S AWAKE!” and shower her with red and pink confetti cannon to the face affection. If I could be a perfect mother, what in the world would these kids talk about to each other when they are older? Don’t my siblings and I love to recall our favorite breakfasts? Ramen noodles, Spaghettios, Mac and Cheese. My mom later referred to Spaghettios as “Vomit in a can” but she got us successfully fed and to school on time every morning.
These pictures, they’re not recent. Holly is about a month older and way bigger than the above shot and below, well, that’s clearly Christmas Eve. But now, everyone is napping at the same time! It’s a time crunch of free time that cannot be burdened with finding current photos!
Am I justifying all this to myself? Of course –and it’s for everyone else who needs to hear it. There is so much pressure to be perfect: organic food, anti aging creams…actually I can’t think of any other examples because, oh, I have three kids four and under and my brain is occupied with that. Happily, thankfully, joyfully occupied! Let’s all just do our best and move on. Rotisserie chicken for dinner for all!
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