I Got a Full 40 Minutes

I think if Holly wasn't the youngest we would have remembered to dress her in cute Halloween attire and snap a hundred photos in the pumpkin patch.

So every article about health/wellness talks about getting a good 7-8 hour sleep at night.  Here's the real question:  Is there any adult getting a good, solid, uninterrupted night's sleep?  I can't think of anyone I know -kids or no kids, any age over 30- who says, yeah, I sleep great every night.  I'm starting a poll.  Unrealistic expectations have been set and it might be time to figure out what the real sleep situation is.

*update- It took about three seconds of research to realize that "segmented sleep" is a real, historical thing.  Maybe I'll read more about that in the middle of the night.

My One Regret in Life

If I ever get a tattoo, it's going to be cursive script down my left forearm that says, "Reminder:  Do Not Get a Dog."  Because so many people have dogs that sometimes it seems like a good idea, like when we go to Blessing of the Pets without any pets with us.  But whenever I have a kitten with all their destruction and biting and energy, I remember that I do not need or want a dog.  Also, there's the problem of not being able to just dump out 40 servings of cat food and leave town.

But the suburbs can really be mind numbingly dull.   I guess we could go walk around Target...?  I could spend some time ripping out the zipper that I actually sewed through all four layers of a dress and lining, straight through the front...

Maybe we should get a dog, just to liven things up.  I don't really want a dog, I just need something to do besides dishes.  Something must be done.  So tonight, it's Humane Society or tattoo...Trent, let me know where you want to meet up.

Thinking Ahead

Sometimes I wonder what my career will be when I finally have to go back to work.  The problem remains that I reached my dream job -tour guide- when I was 21, and the salary was minimum wage.  In addition, at some age Tour Guide becomes Volunteer Docent, and the salary becomes zero.  I know I've hit that age.

People say, what would you do for free?  Figure that out then do it!  Okay, so raise my kids, living the dream!  Again, the salary is zero and we will one day have to pay for multiple college educations.

Something else I would do for free- decorate a car for Trunk or Treat.

So, does anyone pay for that?  Why can't I seem to want a job that comes with a salary?  Also, I don't want to have people telling me their theme and what they want their decorations to look like.  I just want to make what I want to make and then have people pay me for it.  So, artist?  In that case, beginning November 1, that monster sign is for sale for $500.

In reality, one day in the *hopefully distant* future, I'll be back to looking for a job and participating in the conversation where people ask me what I want to do.  No, you tell me what job you have available and I will learn to do it.  If I had something I really wanted to do, I would be putting all my energy into getting that job.  Wouldn't life be easier that way?  Thankfully, all this can wait for another day.

Retreat to Move Forward

Since Holly's first birthday, every week or so I say, "It's time to reenter society."  Really it took us until Holly was about a year and a half for me to reenter society.  And now I'm realizing I've spoken too soon.

I'm trying to keep up with people who don't have one-year-olds.  Reality:  I can't fly with the empty nesters.  And I can't keep up with people who have older kids, older like 5.  I don't have a lot of friends with really young kids, so I was just trying to keep up with my friends.  It's time to admit that's not happening.  Does everyone enjoy the challenge of unloading a dishwasher while someone grabs a coffee cup out and hurls it across the kitchen onto the tile?  In trying to reenter society, I forgot that one-year-olds turn into TWO-YEAR-OLDS.  She goes to bed at 7.  We stretch that in order to maintain balance in our lives, but the truth is that I am in charge of caring for and nurturing a child who goes to bed at 7.

Officially I'm going to stop pretending I can help with things and be a normal person.  I'm saying too often, "I would love to help if you have any opportunities where I can bring my kids."  Or maybe:  I am a normal person.  Society should have room for all kinds of people.  Just because I can't help volunteer at a homeless shelter right now, it doesn't mean that I'm not doing my best to love my neighbor.  

This is a desperate public plea to all my friends to stay friends with me- even if I never invite you over and I have to say no to a million things.  Or you can come over if you like soup.  Because if we're ever going to invite friends over regularly again, we're going to have to go back to entertaining with soup and bread.

Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish

There might be nothing more optimistic than setting an alarm before you go to bed.  It's saying, "Yes, World, yes, New Day, I planning to get up early and greet you and your joys and challenges as my best self!"  It's especially optimistic for a night person, because as you're setting the alarm you've already stayed up too late.  And you're going to read before you turn out the light.  And maybe remember other things you have to do and get out of bed a few more times.

Then there's the cruel cycle of insomnia.  I'm up for hours in the middle of the night, so I can enjoy all my fears and worries magnified.  Last night I was literally going through Fraulein Maria's favorite things.  Whiskers on kittens, yes...girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, how lovely...crisp apple strudel, mmmm, sure...the world's problems...crush it in my mind vice!  Just keep praying for sleep.  Then the next day of course I'm tired, so I drink more coffee, which means my sleep is bad again the next night.  Before you know it the cycle also includes standing in the express line at the grocery store with one item, a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

  

But hey, right now is mid-morning and the upward part of the cycle.   I've had my first coffees with a Pepto chaser.  The sun is out.  I'm dressed, and it's much easier to deal with problems in clothes and make-up than in pajamas and immense darkness.  I'm remembering my own favorite things, like Trent, Rush, Tate, Holly, whiskers on cats, the white dress with a blue satin sash I can make Holly for Easter, and the apple strudel that could theoretically be made with a box of puff pastry.  

I slept through my alarm to the last possible second, like I have every day of my life since I was a teenager, but I really think tomorrow might be the day I get up early.

Useful Things

On the pushy parent scale, with One being letting a kid wear a Halloween costume to church on Easter if that's what they want and Ten being forcing Holly into violin lessons right now and requiring two hours of practice a day, I'm trying to figure out where I would fall. Definitely not at either extreme- I'm hoping right in the middle?  It's all a balance of letting kids be free to be themselves while also teaching them how to be productive members of society.  I'd like to think that I let my kids choose their own activities and things they like to do, but then I also just realized that they're probably all going to have to try soccer and piano lessons.  They don't won't have to stick it out for years if they don't like it, but both are worth a try.

I volunteered for a shift at a pumpkin patch last week and as it was the middle of the day really early in pumpkin season, there was plenty of time to chat with my fellow worker.  We started talking about things that everyone who graduates from high school should be able to do, things that aren't necessarily taught in school.  The conversation started with how useful it would be if EVERYONE had a basic knowledge of all the major world religions.  That's Step 1 towards harmony in the world.

So here's the list we started with-

• swim
• cook 10 different meals (This is Jamie Oliver's thing and I think it's 10...some number of meals anyway.)
• ride a bike
• sew on a button
• basic carpentry, like using a screwdriver, hammer

What else?

In another conversation recently with friends, we discussed the challenges of learning an instrument as an adult.  You feel like because you're older you should be able to jump ahead.  "I mean, I'm 34 years old so I should be able to play the banjo!"  The reality is that you have to start at the beginning, just like every fourth grader with their first instrument.

There's just so much to learn!  Knowing how to play an instrument would be useful, but is not required.  Being kind, being brave,being generous please and thank you...nothing is more important.  But what are other concrete things to know?

It's a New World

Here's a taste of the world you live in if you were born around the year 2010:

(I have had this conversation twice, separately, once with each boy.)

Rush or Tate, holding in ipod that they found in a drawer:  What's this?

Me:  It's an ipod.  Back before people had music on their phones, you could put music on an ipod and listen to it. 

R/T:  Really?!  [Implied:  How quaint!]  So I can have this?

Me:  No.

Let's not let that imply that we don't also have dozens of scratched cd's still floating around the house.  The kids have a cd player in their room that they don't necessarily associate with a gramophone.  

Then today Holly had a Tweety Bird band-aid from her flu shot.  All three kids were like, who is that?  Bugs Bunny?  Never heard of him.

So tonight while Trent was mowing the law I found Looney Toons and settled everyone in for some cultural literacy development.

October Sewing

It's October 1st and we're starting Tate's bat costume for Halloween.  He has VERY SPECIFIC requests, including thumbs.  Thankfully it was easy to find a black hoodie because an unconnected hat was just not going to cut it.  So Tate and I will be creating a bat costume using a hoodie, black fabric, boning for the wings, and gloves.  We're just going to stare at the drawing of a bat wing compared to a human arm from the last page of the book Stelllaluna and make it awesome.

I would rotate these pictures if I was going to live forever and thus had endless time to spend messing with uncooperative formatting.  My apologies for the imperfection.  Let me also add-

Why yes, that is a bare mattress on the floor covered in buttons.  

I'm working on two quick dresses for Holly with fabric that I already had.  They're mostly done; it's just he last bits of button sewing and hemming left.  My plan is to work on that in a few minutes and hopefully finish at least one.

 Because there are other projects in the wings.